Write

Mellow Soulmate AU where many of the exiled Noldor go back to Middle-earth.  Because I want them to.  And Aegnor misses his fated.  Quenya names used (Aikanáro for Aegnor and Findaráto for Finrod).  Aikanáro is probably Noldorin dialect (mother-name), but Findaráto is Telerin dialect (father-name). It's a bit strange, actually, that their father named them in Telerin dialect and their mother in Noldorin, considering that Finarfin is the noldo and Eärwen is the teler.  Maybe a cultural thing?  Anyway, I am assuming that, because it's the name he became well-known by in Sindarin dialect, Aegnor preferred his mother-name over his father-name, and thus would use it in reference to himself, but what do I know.  Early Third Age, partially introspective partially epistolary form.

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them all. *pouts*

Pairings: Aegnor x Andreth

Characters: Aegnor, Finrod (letters written to Andreth, Finarfin mentioned)

Warnings: extreme AU, canon character death, possible OOC, likely depression, borderline catatonia, mentions of suicide (of a sort), flowery romantic language LOL

Song: To Zanarkand

Words: 1,021
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write (transitive verb): to form (as characters or symbols) on a surface with an instrument (as a pen)
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/write?show=0&t=1361398966

To my beloved Andreth,

There is no rest in the Undying Lands for me.  Rebirth seems empty and barren, the golden fields materialistic and the evergreen trees stagnant.  I fear you may have ruined my appreciation of everlasting beauty for all of eternity.

Your face still haunts my dreams, and though others find me foolish, I cannot find it within my heart to let you go nor move on into my peaceful rest.  It would feel like betrayal to your spirit and your memory.

I once swore that no elven bride would I take for your sake, and I keep to my oath.

I just pray that, when the time comes at the end of all things, you wait on the other side for my arrival.  No other can complete me nor satisfy my cravings.  You are the One and only, the always and forever.

My love for you is eternal,
Aikanáro

--

Findaráto worried over many things.  It was in his nature to care too much, to absorb all the hurts of those around him and attempt to mend them.  The suffering of his brothers and sisters was no different.

Of course, as the oldest he felt it partially his responsibility to watch over them, and that perhaps if he had been wiser during his time in Beleriand things could have been changed--mended.  Bonds repaired and strengthened from kin to kin.  Forgiveness could have been granted.  They could have patched together their broken people, their broken family.

But nothing had come of it.  Now it was too late.  Exile had changed all of them too much, embittered their spirits, broken and remade them into unrecognizable pieces that no longer fit together.

None as much as Aikanáro, though.

Day by day, his youngest brother seemed only to grow worse.  Vacant eyes once like fire now stared dully out the window, full of no more than ashes and fragmented memories.  Sometimes there would be days without movement, without speech or acknowledgement or food.  Sometimes, Findaráto feared that even in the beautiful lands of Valinor his young brother would foster no will to live and would fade away, back into the comforting darkness of the Halls of the Waiting.

Aikanáro lingered, and he did not know whether or not to be grateful.

The little consolation he could find was the small journal half-hidden beneath his brother's mattress.  Findaráto never touched it, but it gave him solace.  Aikanáro was not an empty husk drained of life and fire, not yet.  The spirit for which he was named had not yet abandoned its host.

It was but a little comfort. Nevertheless, any catharsis was welcome.

--

To my dearest beloved,

Days linger on like ages.  I have tried and failed to find my peace here.

I know Findaráto has yet said nothing of it to Father, but he plans to leave the shores of Valinor, to go back to Beleriand or whatever is left of it, to remake our home there.  It seems I am not the only heart fostering discontent on the blessed shores.  I will not be the only one who can find no rest or healing here.

I plan to leave with my brother, and whoever may choose to join our mad quest.  I do not think I can bear the sight of unchanging green fields even one more year, one more day or hour or moment.

Though I know Beleriand will offer no such peace to my mind or heart, at least it may offer some comfort.  My home is lost, but perhaps with my hands buried in the earth that we once shared, I will feel at rest for a time.

You have my love always,
Aikanáro

--

At first, Findaráto had been hesitant to let Aikanáro out of his sight.  The youngest brother barely seemed able to function on his own.

But when he first saw his brother kneeling against the earth, silent with eyes closed--brow smooth of deep furrows, at peace--he gave up trying to control the wild spirit.  He did not do more than call to his younger sibling, announcing dinner was prepared, and retreat back into their abode.

When Aikanáro did not come, he was not surprised.

When--two days later--his brother disappeared altogether, he was still not surprised.

He fretted and worried and waited anxiously, but Findaráto knew that controlling the Fell Fire in his brother's blood would do nothing but destroy all that remained of the fragile, longing spirit.  Best that he let Aikanáro come and go of his own free will.

At least the book disappeared as well.  At that, Findaráto felt a touch of relief.

--

To my beloved Andreth,

I am here once again.  The earth has changed much since I last set foot upon it.  Our Beleriand is no more, but I mourn it not.  The change is almost reassuring.  The rest of the world moves on, even as the Undying Lands linger eternally, frozen and removed from all time.

Though I do not claim to be content, wandering the wilds of the land helps.  Being free helps.  Even the changing seasons eases my longing ever so slightly.

None of them will ever compare, though.  I long for your arms about me as acutely as ever.  I will never be content until we are as one, forever.  If that means I must wait for all of time to pass me by, then I shall.

I found a lake yester-eve and settled there for the night.  I still see your face in her clear waters--though she is not Aeluin--and I look up and you are vanished again.  But part of me believes you are still here.  It would be just like you to watch over me.  Of the two of us, you were always the more level-headed, O wise-woman of the Bëorians.

Even after all this time, I have not forgotten you.  I do not think I could if I tried.

You have my love, always,
Aikanáro
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Probably sappy, but meh, who cares?  I blame the music :3.

I was sorely tempted to make Aegnor a pyromaniac.  This, I entirely blame my dA family for.  Not to self-promote or anything, but there's some awesome fanfiction in our gallery :D.

Anyway, I was listening to To Zanarkand by Nobuo Uematsu (from FFX), one of my all-time favorite video game works ever.  I've been playing it for almost four years now (on the piano) and am still not sick of it.  Truly, it is an amazing piece of art.

But enough of my waxing poetic about music.  Lets just say this turned out surprisingly less angsty than I thought it would. Rather bittersweet, actually, like dark chocolate.

Oh, and let's not forget the cute/angsty pictures: Aegnor and Andreth by =Gold-Seven and Aikanaro and Andreth by ~tuuliky on dA.  Both of them have awesome Tolkien-based galleries, by the way.  Just saying.